“What do you need? How can I help?”

We can’t stop ourselves from asking, even when we know the answers: “I lost everything; I need everything. I have no idea how you can help with that.”

Just three months ago, my friend Jonathan reached out to me, worried that I was in the path of a hurricane hurtling towards Florida. Today I am worrying about him, as he deals with the loss of his home from the fires raging in California.

Like most people, I have friends and family, colleagues and acquaintances, scattered around the world. We worry about each other from afar.

Often, all we can do is send messages of love and support. “I’m thinking about you. I’m worried for you. Please be careful. Please take care of yourself. I wish I could do more.”

It helps. No, our thoughts and prayers can’t change the reality on the ground. But they can shift the inner reality of the people who are there.

It helps to know that someone far away cares. That they wish they could do more. That they’re sending money to the Red Cross in your name, and to the Humane Society in honor of your dog.

The Talmud teaches, “If there is no bread, there is no Torah; if there is no Torah, there is no bread.”

It’s hard to have a spiritual experience when you are reeling from a loss. But we need more than material objects to survive and thrive.

What Jonathan and his family need at this moment is unfathomable to those of us who have never experienced such a loss. They need everything.

Well, not quite everything. They have each other. They are safe. And, as he wrote soon after they evacuated, “‘When there is life, there is hope’ (Ecclesiastes 9:4). It is enough. It will have to be.”

Someone nearby can do more. But don’t let distance stop you from reaching out. Send hope. Send love. Send your whole heart. And then, be a mensch and send money to those who can give material support.

The photo below is of the Pasadena Jewish Center, destroyed in the fire.